the black hole...

ther's a mole in my soul, yes its' a big black hole,

for it sucks all light nd m out of sight,

the future is dark, grim and cold,

ther's a mole in my soul, yes its' a big black hole.

for it makes a pounce nd leaves no ounce

the world is shallow,nd deep inside m now hollow,

the pain is too much, life is in turmoil,

yes i know for sure, its a big black hole.

for its so small, yet damn so heavy,

m crumbling under its weight, nd cant jst walk,

my voice is lost, m unable to talk,

i curse u O! mole, the big black hole,

let der be a boom nd a big bang,

let der be no pain, jst a little pang,

for my universe is so small, pls let it expand,

u r takin me down, m now on a roll,

pls pls implode...O! black hole.

the call

the call...

A boy once made a call to heaven, the angel answered...

Boy: "I am not meant to be where I am, can I come and be with you?"

Angel: "You don't belong here".

Boy: "then where should I go?"

Angel: "I don't know, don't disturb me...and don't call up again"

With that he hung up!!!

After some deliberation, boy made a call to hell, the satan answered...

Boy: "I am not meant to be where I am, can I come and be with you?"

Satan: "You don't belong here".

Boy: "I have already called in heaven, angel says I don't belong there, you say I don't belong here. What should I do now?"

Luckily Satan was bit more patient.

he said: "Listen kid, the world below is over crowded. We cannot accomodate everyone. One who are extremely kind and good are called to heaven, the one who are extremely bad are called to hell...rest have to be there itself. We call them humans. Live your life to fullest. For you living down there should be fun. Why do you feel you don't belong there?".

Boy: "I find myself among strangers. I do have friends and foes, yet its ugly. I try to enjoy, yet I get bored. I have a loving family, yet I look for more."

Satan: "Hmm, Boy are you scorpion?"

Boy: "Yes I am."

Satan: "Are you 9?"

Boy: "Yes I am, but so what...every 12th person is scorpion and among them every 9th person is 9. That makes every 108th person as I am. But I haven't seen anyone like me?"

Satan: "Hmm, You are quick at numerics, but you are more than that. Anyways, everyone down below is unique in his/her own ways. Its rare to find two very smiliar people in a small crowd."

Boy: "I give a damn. I just wanna know what should I do to get out of here?"

Boy: "Should I start being good?"

Satan: "From the present state...it'll take ages for you to be acceptably good. You see, self realization is important in one's life."

Boy: "Darn...f**K you. You trying to say I am bad. Piss off you devil. !!! I shouldn't have asked you at all. Stupid I am but definitely not bad. I'll try to find my answer elsewhere".

So the boy puts the phone down. But, Satan has one last thing to say

"You have made the right move to get out of there boy".

an evening samosa...

It was as usual a lazy weekend evening. feeling bored sitting alone doing nothing the whole day, I decided to have a walk. As soon I reached the nearby road junction, I saw the nukkad tea shop and the tempting samosas on display. Having nothing much to do and not wanting to go back to my dark tunnel so soon, I decided to have a seat and enjoy the delicious looking samosas with a cup of tea. It was late evening and dinner was still a few good hours. My empty stomach was telling me how much I will appreciate those welcoming samosa. I stepped into the shop and sat down the empty seat at the corner adjacent to the road. Soon chotu came and took my order and not much after I was served. Ahh... I jumped on to the samosas and started eating them hungrily. Well, people who know me...very much know how comicly I eat. To add more to it, the hunger and nice smell of samosas, didn't help much. Surely I got some quizzing stares from people nearby. As usual, after taking a few bites...I was again in another world, just observing the surroundings around me. Observing people around me. Observing their expressions and trying to decipher what they must be thinking at that moment. My gazing must have continued for over 10-15 minutes, with me leisurely savouring my tea sips. In between I was also thinking how impossible it would have been to eat so calmly, had I been with my friend. All the time I get reprimanded for the way I eat, its not I hate that, I enjoy that thoroughly, but I like eating this calmly too. I know, I know its getting quizzical, lets not digress. So coming back to chai table, I was feeling heavenly only till I saw him. Just by having a look on his face, all my feeling of happiness vanished.

His body so frill, he was hardly able to stand. A muddy white dhoti wrapped around him. A similar color kurta and as a surprise an old and wrinkled, but clean white towel wrapped around his upper body. Even in the almost darkness of the late evening, his dark skin tone was distinguishing. His old, wrinkled face, was mostly covered with long, thick white beard. Though his head was almost bald, whatever hair he had were pearl white. A long bamboo stick and dirty jhola were two of his accessories completing his attire. He was standing at the side of road and begging for his livelihood.

Huh, so whats so new...we see a lot of beggars on Indian roads each day. To many this may be overly common, but there was something extra to his face, to his persona, that I just could not take my eyes off him. I had forgotten the tea and samosas and my gaze was now fixed only on him. His eyes were staring at each passerby, each passing car, each scooter; trying to find a kind person. His gaze expectantly lighting up with each passing person only ending in dismay and dejection. In between his eyes used to get back to his empty palms and turning more dark and gloomy. One after another people passed besides him, completely ignoring his presence as if in this milieu of people he was a ghost invisible to all of them. Some went past him chatting with friends, some talking on phone and some others lost in their own world. Then a guy passed him smoking a cigarrette, and I wondered what was five rupees to that guy, just some poisonous smoke filling his lungs and making him a future cancer patient. But to this old chap, it could be his one meal. Yeah not a wholesome meal but definitely a satisfying experience.

And suddenly a sense guilt overcast me. Yes today I noticed this old man, but more often, I too would have ignored him like others. Suddenly I realized I was no different from the people I was just now hating the most. For me also, ten rupees would mean a drink of cola, a small ice-cream or just a pan. Suddenly I started hating myself for being so mean, for being so selfish, for being so cold, DAMN!!! and even before I knew, my hands went to my wallet and I noticed myself picking out a fifty rupee note and handing over to this old man. The old guy took the note, carefully put in his pocket and then graciously bowed over to me. He put his bag aside and with much effort knelt before me, still balancing himself with his bamboo stick. His folded hands over to his face, he wanted to thank me but appeared to be at loss of words. To him I may be a kind man, but at that moment I felt myself so small and so helpless. The old man stood up, picked his bag, and once again started his routine.

After he left, I realized I still had half a cup of tea and one samosa left, but now I could not eat anymore, I felt so full, I could not eat a single piece. I quietly stood up, paid for my bill and slowly walked back...

khuda teri parasti se, mein kyu dur jaata hoon...

khuda teri parasti se,
mein kyu dur jaata hoon...
zara daaman to fir se thama,
zara rehmat to fir se dikha...
mein dariya mein doobta hoon,
zara saahil to fir se dikha...

tu maula hai fakiro ka...
tu shehenshah hai kabilo ka...
mein kin rasto mein bhatakta hoon,
zara rahen tu fir se bata....

ki tera aanchal ye aasmaan hai...
tera nur hai din ke suraj sa...
mein andhero mein kyu khota hoon,
zara chehra tu fir se dikha...

the solivagant warrior

finally it hit...

the feeling of solitudinous hit today...and the experience was daunting.

a cold chill went down the spine...reminding the days to come wont be easy.

suddenly it struck...and struck hard.

the warrior is alone...wandering in dark valleys, he has to walk thru the night, survive unknown dangers...fend unseen predators and make his way to the top of hill...where the cherished fruit rests.

Conviction, Courage and Confidence will be his only companions through the journey.

its a tough world out there...and solace will be difficult to find...at the end there will be warmth and peace...but for now I can only recite the following lines by Robert Frost:

"The woods are lovely, dark and deep,

But I have promises to keep,

and miles to go before I sleep. "

and yes... in all this never forget...the warrior is still a child!!!

i want to rebel...

i want to rebel..

today i know wat does it feel like...in a way i also want to be a rebel. be the one who can break the traditions and barriers this society has imposed on me...on u...on us.

In India from childhood we are cultured to follow a protocol...follow a path...follow a crowd...follow it to follow your carrier ambitions...follow your life...jst follow...

why???????

why should i follow???

why can't i build my own protocol...my own path...my own herd...my own carrier...and follow jst two things...my carrier...my love.  Damn...again i want to follow...you see we all are cultured, so it may not be permanent...but will take its own sweet time to wash off!!!

i don't want to follow, i want to embrace it!

i want to paint an image for me and embrace it! embrace it deep within my heart...so none can dissever us.

yeah... i want to re-define, re-constitute, re-draw my own lines,

i want to rebel...